2008 You Pick ‘em Series – “What
the Bible Says About…Family Values”
Deuteronomy 6:1-9 & Ephesians 6:1-4
Sermon preached at Curwensville Presbyterian Church – March 30, 2008
Prayer Introduction: Pastor John Maxwell tells the story about flying to Washington, D.C., and sitting beside him was a woman probably about 60 years of age. She saw him with his legal pad working on his sermon. She saw at the top the subject “What Children Owe Their Parents.” She asked him what he did, and he told her he was a pastor. She said, "I can't help but say that's a very interesting subject." He said, “We're having a good time. I'm just sharing with my people concerning the family. Tell me, do you have children?” “Oh, I have grandchildren,” she said. “When do children feel that they owe something to their parents?” he asked. She smiled and said, “When they have their own children.”
This morning we begin a series by request – “What does the Bible say about family values?” This topic has been much politicized – and in the current heightened political state of a presidential campaign there is a danger of sounding political.
This will not be a series on what Democrats or Republicans say about family values. This also will not be a series on what Dan Ledford says about family values. This will not even be a series on what the church says about family values.
We will look at what the Bible – God’s very Word: inspired and inerrant – says about family values.
I preface it this way, because in talking about family values we will undoubtedly step on some toes. Some people are going to get offended. It is unavoidable because God’s Word is offensive. God will not tell us that we’re fine and don’t worry about it. God will show us where we are wrong. We will take it personally – and we should.
But here’s why God does this. Because until we realize we are wrong – and need to change – we won’t come to the cross and find the forgiveness and power to change. Telling us that we are fine and shouldn’t worry and shouldn’t offend “is a lie; it comes straight from the pit of hell and smells like smoke.”
The cross is offensive. Jesus offended people all the time. I’ve already been offended by this sermon. I had to write it – and it shows me my sin.
I would love to stand here and tell you that family values are “whatever works for you.” But I cannot. And so remember, we are in this together.
Remember also, that the reason for offense – is so that we would know of God’s grace and love. God’s grace isn’t amazing until I realize what a wretch I am. If I’m okay and you’re okay, then Jesus is irrelevant. But if my heart is desperately wicked and your heart is desperately wicked then Jesus becomes VERY relevant.
To see what God says about family values is to see how much God values the family. God’s Word says a ton about family values, because of how much God values the family. God wants to conform us to follow his word about family; because it is only when we follow his word that we find ourselves enjoying and glorifying God as we are created to do.
We start with two passages – one from the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 6:1-9) and one from the New Testament (Ephesians 6:1-4). Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith …We pray now for the preacher in the pulpit. He is not worthy, but by your grace he is able. And so it is through Jesus Christ that we pray – Amen!
READ
I. The Ten Commandments
Let’s take a few moments to
look at what God says here, before looking at the passage from Ephesians.
Deuteronomy chapter 6 follows Deuteronomy chapter 5 – which is a fairly obvious
thing to say; but do you remember what
One parent was planning a Sunday school class for first-graders on the Ten Commandments. She wondered if she would have to explain “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” to them. Sure enough, in the class a 7-year-old girl raised her hand and asked, “What does ‘commit’ mean?”
Another class of fourth graders had all declared that seventh commandment – “Thou shalt not commit adultery” to be the hardest for them to keep. At a Discipleship Committee meeting they discussed their bewilderment as to why this class would find that command a problem. They were enlightened by a dad who shared with the committee that he had asked his son what he thought the commandment meant. The boy had replied, “Thou shalt not talk back to your parents or adults.”
God tells us that teaching his commandments to our children is of fundamental importance; and yet, how many parents – how many of us here today – can even recite the Ten Commandments!
Let’s do it:
(1) You shall have no other gods before me.
(2) You shall not make or worship idols.
(3) You shall not misuse the name of the Lord.
(4) Keep the Sabbath Day holy.
(5) Honor your father and mother (more on that later).
(6) You shall not murder.
(7) You shall not commit adultery.
(8) You shall not steal.
(9) You shall not bear false witness.
(10) You shall not covet your neighbor.
Why does God give us his commandments? Is he a mean ogre, who wants to keep us from having fun? Quite the contrary. These laws are good. He says in the end of verse 2 that keeping his decrees and commands results in enjoying long life.
God’s commands are not meant to be a burden, but are given that we would glorify
and enjoy Him.
God commands are his gift to his people. They are for our good. Initially they convince us of our sin, and turn us to Christ where we can find regeneration and sanctification by the Holy Spirit.
And then God’s commandments guide us to enjoy long life. Why would we not want to know them and to keep them and to pass them on to our children?
Verse 5 summarizes the moral law of the Ten Commandments: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” And you thought Jesus had made that up.
II. On the Road Again
But now see the specifics of how to pass God’s commands to our children in verses 7-9. “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”
Notice first and foremost that it is the parents’ responsibility to teach their children. We live in an era of institutions. We send our kids to schools, but parents are still responsible for their child’s education – they are simply seeking help from the school.
Long before man created the institution of school, God created the institution of family.
Can I get an Amen from all the teachers who agree that the success of a child’s education is directly related to the parents’ active involvement in their child’s education?
The same thing is true of a child’s Christian education. We send our kids to Sunday school – to get the help of the church – but parents are responsible for their child’s Christian education.
Long before the church created the institution of Sunday school, God created the institution of family.
I grew up like many children in mainline churches, where my parents took me to church every Sunday; but we never talked about God at home. There was no family worship. No family devotions.
One family tells about beginning nightly devotions – which wasn’t easy with a precocious 4-year-old daughter and an impish 2-year-old son. One night, the daughter asked, “Mommy, when are we gonna get together with Daddy and brother to talk about God and have family commotions?”
The idea of family devotions, family worship, may be a completely foreign idea to you; but it certainly is not a foreign idea to God. There are a number of books in the church library that can help you get started (list them); and I have additional resources.
Let me pause for a moment and speak to those of you who no longer have children living at home; lest you think this passage – and this sermon series – says nothing to you. Let me offer two quick thoughts at this point:
(1) You may be feeling guilty about not having done this with your children. There is no way around this; yes, you should have. You should confess that guilt and seek forgiveness from the Lord.
(2) You can be of great help to parents who are currently raising children. Consider ways that you can encourage and support parents. I can tell you, personally, what a huge help it is when one of you watches our kids so that Jen & I can have a night out.
When Jen’s grandmother comes to town she matches and rolls the socks that get mismatched. That is incredibly helpful. Every family has that box of socks – but don’t have the hours it takes to sort through them.
And in terms of outreach, we have all kinds of parents in this community that need to know the Lord – so that they can lead their kids in the Lord. Consider ways to build relationships and to share the gospel with those parents who need the Lord.
Consider those little things that you can do to help parents. God tells all of us to value families – regardless of our age and condition in life. God calls on the church – the whole church – to value the family; to be family-friendly in our shared ministry.
To the parents, not only should you notice – first and foremost – that it is your responsibility to teach your children; you should also notice that this isn’t something that happens just at church – or just at family devotions – but should especially happen in the “on the road” moments of life.
When you walk along the road. In today’s world, we don’t walk along the road to travel from place to place, we travel by car. All those times driving in the car are enormous opportunities for discipling your kids.
One person tells about their family cross-country car trips each summer. To keep the peace, each took a turn choosing a cassette to play in the car tape deck [before the days of iPods]. No one was allowed to complain or comment about another's choice. The mother liked to listen to hymns. The one teen liked contemporary Christian music. The younger brother preferred rock. And Dad? He always thought the best thing was a 90-minute tape that was still blank!
Seize the opportunity for discipleship on the road. Focus on the Family (www.family.org) has some great audio stuff. Our kids love to listen to the Jonathan Park series (www.jonathanpark.com). Again, feel free to ask, and I can point you to all kinds of resources – for car discipleship.
On the road and at
home we need to teach God’s Word to our children. Verses
Jesus mocked these Pharisees: “Everything they do is done for men to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long” (Matthew 23:5).
“Boy that Sam sure has a huge set of phylacteries, doesn’t he.”
“Hey Joe, nice tassels.”
God isn’t talking about literally wearing a box on your forehead. In verse 6 we read, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.” We teach God’s Word at home, on the road, from our waking up to our lying down; so that they would get into our hearts.
Is it exhausting? You bet.
But we do it because God has commanded it. And we know that God has commanded it because it is good for us.
During a visit to the children's Sunday school class, a pastor looked into their serious faces and asked, “Why do you love God?” After a moment a small voice came from the back: “I guess it just runs in the family.”
It sure does.
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III. In the Fear & Admonition of the Lord
I know, you want to hear more on that command to children. But our children are down in children’s church right now (the last Sunday of the month) – and we will come back to this passage again when the children are here.
This morning, we just need to key in on verse 4: “Father’s do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
That phrase “do not exasperate your children” is typically translated “do not provoke your children to anger.”
Instead, we are to bring them up in the “training and instruction” or the “discipline and admonition” or the “fear and admonition” of the Lord.
It is discipleship. We are disciples of Christ; and we are to disciple our kids, so that they might become disciples of the Lord.
Discipline is part
of discipleship.
Discipline is NOT simply behavior modification; it is shepherding the heart. The behavior is not the problem (it really is not) – it is the symptom of the heart problem. Simply seeking to modify behavior – through angry punishment – will not shepherd the heart, but will provoke a child to anger.
I hear from parents and kids who speak with disfavor about being dragged to church every Sunday. But I have never heard that from a kid who had parents – and especially a dad – who discipled their kids at home.
Neither children – or we – are interested in a God who only works for an hour or so on Sundays. We need a God who is around all the time. And that is who the true God is.
The Bible doesn’t say, “bring your kids to church.” God’s Word says, “bring them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.”
Thank God for fathers who not only gave us life but also taught us how to live.
I would have you see that it is fathers who are seen here having the primary role. That is not to say mothers don’t have a role – far from it. Moms are the ones who typically have the most time with the children. But fathers are the spiritual heads of the households, and are ordained of God for the leadership role in their families – to make sure that the kids are being raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
Paul Carson keeps it in perspective for us dads. He says, “Your spiritual leadership begins at home. In dealing with the family, remember that you have been blessed by the Lord, not beatified. Don't expect your wife to stop asking you to carry out the garbage.”
Being a good dad, means being a good husband. And this is where the battle is often won or lost. Martin Luther said – “The Devil cannot bear to see married people agree well with each other.”
If you want to kick
the devil in the teeth, then men love your wives as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her (cf.
Being a good dad takes not only physical strength, but especially spiritual strength. In Christian Parenting Today, Douglas R. Sword told this story: As I was giving my 4-year-old son a bath, I was trying to hurry because Monday Night Football would be on soon. He began telling me that Christmas was coming and that we needed to have a birthday party for Jesus. We talked a little more, and then he asked, “What does it mean to have Jesus in your heart?”
On the outside I was calm, but inwardly my heart was doing flips. I explained that sometimes we do bad things and that God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross to pay the penalty for when we disobey. We need to ask God to forgive us and for Jesus to come into our heart to help us to obey God.
He said, “Can I pray and ask Jesus to come into my heart?”
It was the greatest pleasure a father can have. I do not remember who won the football game that night, but I will never forget leading my son to Christ.
Can there be any doubt that God values the family; and so should we.
MAY THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE – AMEN!