2008 You Pick ‘em Series –
“…Family Values (pt 3) – Celebrating Marriage”
1 Corinthians 7:1-16
Sermon preached at Curwensville Presbyterian Church – April 13, 2008
Prayer Introduction: This morning we continue part three of a requested series of sermons asking, “What does the Bible say about family values?” A man by the name of Ogden Nash says: “A family is a unit composed not only of children, but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”
So far we’ve seen –
from
Last week we
looked at
Paul writes about this in response to questions being asked by the people of the church of Corinth. It would seem that marriage was being scoffed at by people outside of the church in Corinth. And isn’t that the case still today?
Today we see attacks on marriage from many fronts. There is the attack on marriage from those who say they don’t need a piece of paper to say they love someone else. Indeed, the number of people getting married has been in steep decline.
There is the attack on marriage from the pro-gay political agenda, which suggests that marriage union should be allowed for people of the same sex. We saw this error, and the danger of this error, last week.
There is the attack on marriage from those who marry for the wrong reasons, and from those who are stuck in miserable marriages, and from those who divorce for unbiblical reasons.
All of these are
addressed in God’s Word – much of it in
I. The Celebration of Marriage (vv.1-9)
READ
And I would have
you see it in what seems to be contradictory words in the Bible. Here, Paul
says, “It is good for a man not to marry.” And yet we read earlier that
God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). And
So, which one is it? Both.
God’s original institution of marriage is one of blessing. But like all of God’s creation it has been blemished by sin’s entrance into the world. The Fall of man into sin brought corruption to creation.
Grass is good – but it needs to be cut and gets full of weeds, and needs rain – so that it browns in drought. And then there’s that thick nasty Augustine grass, which has got to be a result of the Fall J
Animals are good – but they now attack, instead of living peaceably (lion shall lay down with the lamb). Mosquitos are clearly a result of the Fall J
Food is good – but there is the corruption of overeating, and health problems accompanying it; along with lactose intolerance, food allergies, diabetes, etc. Corned Beef & Brussels Sprouts have to be a result of the Fall J
Marriage is good – but there is the corruption of difficulty in marriages. Arguments about finances, kids, sex, work, etc. are a result of the Fall.
When Paul says, “It is good for a man not to marry” – the Fall is in view. Perhaps equally in view is the problem with marriage in Corinth at that time. In verse 26 Paul writes, “Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are” (if married stay so, if not married stay so).
We can only speculate about “the present crisis” in Corinth; but it is probably similar to the present crisis of marriage in the United States: The push for same-sex marriage. The self-centered nature in marriage – where people are asking, “Am I happy” rather than “Are we holy.” Polygamy is even becoming the current push. And if this is ever approved, the next push will be for lowering the marriage age. Sexual immorality – and the degrading of marriage – is a slippery slope.
Indeed, throughout human history these present crises manifest themselves time and again. Satan is constantly on the attack against marriage. He cannot stand a happy marriage.
Enter Jesus, the Redeemer of God’s elect – who restores what is broken by the Fall. So it is that two people who are in Christ can celebrate a redeemed marriage – a Christian marriage.
In terms of last week’s sermon, on the previous chapter, sexual morality in the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman is a blessing of God’s perfect creation; but sexual immorality – in the form of pre-marital, extra-marital, and same sex relations are a perversion, a corruption, of God’s creation.
In verses 3-5 Paul shows the remedy for the sinful condition. Enjoy sex with your spouse. This echoes the words of the Song of Songs 6:3 – “I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.” Husbands, God commands you to browse among the lilies of your wife? Do I hear an “Amen!”
Women should not withhold sex from husbands, or vice-versa. “Not tonight honey I have a headache” is not fulfilling your marital duty. “Come on honey let’s do it” (with no romance) is also not fulfilling your marital duty.
Marriage – and the marriage bed – takes effort on both sides: physical, emotional and spiritual effort. Husbands romance your wives. Wives have sex with your husbands.
Notice in verse 3 that Paul addresses husbands first. Good sex follows good romance. Lack of sex follows lack of romance.
C.J. Mahaney writes, “In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body.” In the dictionary, intercourse means communication before it means sex.
Flowers and flowery language don’t mean much to you – because you’re a guy; but you’re married to a woman – and it means the world to her. Compliment her. Affirm her. Tell her you love her, and tell her why you love her.
This is a great opportunity for husbands to be leaders in the home – and in a way that bears much, and good, fruit. A husband that is doing his part well makes it easier for the wife to do her part well – which makes it easier for the husband to do his part well…This is the gracious circle of wisdom.
One of the
most difficult passages in Scripture is
Wives ought to submit to their husbands – regardless of whether husbands are living up to their end of the bargain; but submission is made a delight rather than a duty when husbands love their wives like Christ loved the church.
In the same way, wives ought to have sex with their husbands; this is made a delight rather than a duty when husbands are romancing their wives.
It is through Christ that we find the strength to fulfill our respective ends of the bargain. In short, focus on God for better sex in your marriage. Wives, fantasize about your husbands – be filled with anticipation before you see them (they will be ready whenever).
Carolyn Mahaney, wife of pastor C.J. Mahaney, recalls a conversation with a young first-time mother. “Before our baby was born,” she explained, “I had plenty of time to romance my husband, clean my home, and cook delicious meals. But now there are days I’m still in my bathrobe at three o’clock in the afternoon, because I’ve spent all morning caring for our newborn! So how do I keep my husband a priority when my child requires so much time and attention?” she asked. “Honey,” I replied, “fix your husband a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner and give him great sex after dinner, and he will feel prized by you!”
On the other hand some men may think, “I’m tired. It’s been a long day at work. I just don’t have the energy to wine and dine my wife.” I’ll tell you what, take out the garbage without being asked and she will begin to feel romanced.
Martin Luther summed it up so well – “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him maker her sorry to see him leave.”
II. The Command of Our Lord [Divorce Exception #1: Fidelity Clause] (vv.10-11)
READ
In these
verses, Paul emphasizes that marriage is an inseparable bond. In marriage (as we
read in
Paul cites
that this command is not his, but comes from the Lord. Indeed, we read
Jesus was rebuking the erroneous interpretation of some Pharisees (of the Hillel school) that a man could divorce his wife for any reason – “even if she burned his food while cooking it.” Indeed, today we have people divorcing – and citing “Irreconcilable Differences” as the reason.
Between two Christians there are no irreconcilable differences. If Jesus can reconcile us to God, he can certainly reconcile any two Christians to one another.
In verses 10-11, Paul echoes this by saying that two people who are having troubles need to seek reconciliation. Someone recently said to me, “It isn’t right that two Christians having marital problems seek out their lawyer instead of seeking out their pastor.”
In
Even here, what is in view is not just marital unfaithfulness, but unrepentant infidelity. Jesus had just taught about forgiving seventy-seven times if there is repentance (18:21-22).
Now, to be clear, if a spouse is cheating 77 times you have to question the genuineness of their repentance. In fact, you have to question repentance if they have cheated one time.
Infidelity should be treated most seriously. (As I’ve learned) it can not be under treated. There should be significant discipline enacted, to provide for true repentance and restoration.
A pastor friend told me about a couple that came to him, after the wife had an affair – again! The husband was devastated, but trusting in the Lord – wanted to make the marriage work. They worked hard on that marriage. They brought the sin to the foot of the cross and genuine repentance took place. Five years later they are still together and, the pastor says, they hold hands during the sermon – they are the only couple who hold hands during the sermon.
Is repentance and
restoration possible? Absolutely. There is nothing that is impossible with God.
For where
III. The Command of Paul [Divorce Exception #2: Willful Desertion] (vv.12-16)
READ
The first time I studied this passage, I thought Paul was suggesting that the first command was the Lord’s – and therefore must be followed; but the second was his – and was optional. Fortunately someone corrected me on this.
Paul is clarifying that he is (in effect) quoting the Lord, who gives the first command; but that he, Paul, gives the second (i.e. he is not quoting Jesus). But still Paul is under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, so this is still God’s authoritative word.
And what Paul says really just emphasizes what Jesus said: two people must remain married unless it becomes apparent that one of the two is not a Christian and – by word and/or deed – wants to leave the marriage. The Westminster Confession calls this “Willful Desertion.”
But, as long as the unbelieving husband is willing to be with his believing wife – they must remain married. Verse 39 says, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.”
This doesn’t mean you should bump off your husband. Indeed, it can be difficult living with an unbelieving spouse. You will need a ton of strength from the Lord to continue holding up your end of the bargain, when they may not be holding up theirs.
This is why
God tells us to marry only believers.
Just this past fall I had someone (not from this church) say to me, “I wish someone had told me this before I got married – or perhaps someone did – and I wish I had listened.”
There is hope for those who find themselves married to unbelievers. First of all, unbelievers can still be nice people – and good spouses. Some of my favorite people are unbelievers.
Secondly, even if the Holy Spirit does not dwell in their heart, he
does dwell in yours. This could be a whole other sermon; and if it was – it
would be a sermon on
Some of you are married to unbelievers. Focus on your inner beauty. Focus on the cross. Focus on keeping your end of the bargain. And pray for your unbelieving spouse.
A couple of years ago we had a woman from Thailand who told us she prayed diligently for her husband for over a decade – and eventually saw him come to Christ.
For others of us we are married to believers, but we still have moments in marriage when conflict arises.
A few years back, the space shuttle Discovery was grounded – not by technical difficulties or lack of government funding, but by woodpeckers. Yellow-shafted flicker woodpeckers found the insulating foam on the shuttle's external fuel tank irresistible material for pecking. The foam is critical to the shuttle's performance. Without it, ice forms on the tank when it's filled with the super-cold fuel, ice that can break free during liftoff and damage the giant spacecraft. The shuttle was grounded until the damage was repaired. Marriages are frequently damaged not by big things – infidelity or abuse or abandonment – but by the little things. Criticism, lack of respect, and taking each other for granted peck away at the relationship and keep us from reaching the heights.
Whether we are now married, widowed, or still anticipating marriage – each of us as the church of Jesus Christ – should celebrate the sanctity of marriage. We must encourage one another when things are difficult; and rejoice when things are going well.
We should seek out the wisdom of those who have been happily married for many years.
Let me close with one piece of wisdom that I use at the end of wedding sermons – a poem written by a pastor:
“To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you're wrong, admit it
Whenever your right, shut up!”
MAY THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE – AMEN!