2008 You Pick ‘em Series – “What
the Bible Says About…Family Values (part 4)”
[Various Proverbs; Matthew 19:13-14] Ephesians 6:1-4
Sermon preached at Curwensville Presbyterian Church – April 20, 2008
Prayer Introduction: This morning we complete a four-week series of sermons that came by the request of, “What does the Bible say about family values?”
So far we
have seen – from
We’ve also
seen that – from
Last week we
saw – from
“Family values” is all about valuing family. Politics politicizes it. Hollywood mocks it. But God values it. D.L. Moody said, “I believe the family was established long before the church, and my duty is to my family first. I am not to neglect my family.”
God values the family. He created family. He created husbands and wives to live in the covenant of marriage; and to be fruitful and multiply (Jen & I have 3 fruits).
And so this morning we finish the series by celebrating fruits – celebrating children.
Earlier in the service we read responsively the words of Psalm 8 – “…out of the mouth of children and infants you have prepared praise…”
We also looked at some various Proverbs, which affirm children who love their parents and parents who love their children (Proverbs 13:22; 14:26; 17:6; 20:7; 31:27-29).
We read
Jesus’ words, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for
the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” from
And now we come
back again to the words of the Apostle Paul in
So kids – put away anything that would distract you – and get ready to listen; because God has something to say to you this morning. Let’s pray so that we can hear him in our spiritual hearts…We pray now for the preacher in the pulpit. He is not worthy, but by your grace he is able. And so it is through Jesus Christ that we pray – Amen!
Scripture Introduction:
The words of the Apostle Paul to the children – and the church – in Ephesus are
printed on the green insert. Parents, help your kids to follow along with the
reading, and sermon outline, and help keep them listening – they can take notes,
or draw pictures about what we hear together in this sermon. READ
I. Good Acoustics (verse 1)
Kids, have you ever heard the word “acoustic?” It has to do with sound. The official name of your ear canal is acoustic meatus. An acoustic guitar is distinct from an electric guitar [and distinct from playing “Guitar Hero”]. This room has good acoustics – which means that sound “sounds good” in this room. Sound carries well in this room.
When a baby is crying – or one of you is talking – we can really hear it! And the parents think, “Oh no my kid is making all that sound.”
Fortunately we are a church that loves kids. We would rather have kids, who make noise, than not have kids.
So why am I talking about sound and acoustics? Because of the second word of that Scripture passage I just read. In English it is translated, “Obey.” In Greek it is the word, hupakouete. Did you hear the “acou” (of acoustics) in there – hupakouete. It isn’t just akouete – but hup-akouete – and the hup “strengthens” the meaning.
So it says, “Children, listen to your parents” but even more than just listen – “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” Obedience starts with listening, but it is more than just listening.
How do you do at listening to your parents?
Parents, do you sometimes find that you tell your children to do something – and the words seem to go in one ear and out the other? [It goes through one acoustic meatus and out the other].
In order to obey your parents – the first thing you must do is make sure you are listening to your parents.
In the same way – for all of us – obeying the Lord begins with listening to the Lord. Over and over again, God tells us to obey his commands. But we can’t obey them if we never hear them.
Of course, that could be part of our plan, right? We play ignorant. “Gee God, I never heard you say that. Gee, if only I’d known…”
Honest mom, I never heard you say, “Clean up your room.” No dad, I never heard you say, “Set the table for dinner.”
Yeah right!
When Paul wrote these words to the children – and church – in Colossae, he said it like this, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Colossians 3:20).
Did you know that obeying your parents pleases the Lord? Not only does it please your parents, it also pleases the Lord. So, you can please you parents and please the Lord at the same time.
By listening.
When your parents are speaking to you, make sure you are listening. I know that people talk to you while you are playing – and so you’re distracted – (and, wow, you get to play a lot – I’m so jealous).
Of course it works the other way too. Kids you always ask your parents a question while we are doing something. I recently read, “The average pre-schooler requires his or her mother's attention every four minutes, or 210 times a day – about 50 times as often as they'll call Mom in a year after they've grown up and moved away.”
So when your parents are speaking, you should stop playing, look at them without being distracted, so that you can not only listen – but then put that listening into action by obeying.
In the same way, all of us need time set aside, regularly, when we listen to God, without distraction – reading and meditating on God’s Word – so that we can listen and then put that listening into action by obeying.
II. The Honor Code (verse 2a)
If you thought verse 1 was tough, how about the commandment at the beginning of verse 2 – “Honor your father and mother.”
That’s not just a command from the Apostle Paul – that is one of the 10 commandments (number 5 in fact). And we are told that this commandment is, “the first commandment with a promise” – more on that in a moment.
Do you know what it means to honor your father and mother? It takes what we saw in verse 1 to the next level. You have to listen – so that you act on that listening by obeying what they tell you to do. But the commandment tells us we need to put our whole heart into it – to “honor” your parents.
For example, it may be obeying – but not honoring – to say (angrily and pouty), “Fine, I’ll set the stupid table and clean my stupid room. Blah!”
You actually did
the actions, and have “obeyed” – but not in a way that was honoring.
Parents, this is a
key verse to keep in mind. Write this on the doorposts of the house (cf.
A single parent with a full-time job and three young children, tells about often listening to Christian radio as an extra source of strength to cope with the day-to-day responsibilities. One day, the sermon talked about how children are God's rewards to parents. Several days later a sibling skirmish broke out into shoving. “Cut that out right now” this mother scolded. “Or you'll go to your rooms until you can cool down.” Then her youngest piped up, “Now remember, Mom, we're your rewards.”
Once upon a time, there was a man who lived with his wife, two small children, and his elderly parents in a tiny hut. He tried to be patient and gracious, but the noise and crowded conditions wore him down. In desperation, he consulted the village wise man. “Do you have a rooster?” asked the wise man.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Keep the rooster in the hut with your family, and come see me again next week.”
The next week, the man returned and told the wise elder that living conditions were worse than ever, with the rooster crowing and making a mess of the hut. “Do you have a cow?” asked the wise elder. The man nodded fearfully. “Take your cow into the hut as well, and come see me in a week.”
Over the next several weeks, the man – on the advice of the wise elder – made room for a goat, two dogs, and his brother's children.
Finally, he could take no more, and in a fit of anger, kicked out all the animals and guests, leaving only his wife, his children, and his parents. The home suddenly became spacious and quiet, and everyone lived happily ever after.
A peaceful house is a glorious thing. One man has said, “A happy family is but an earlier heaven” (Sir John Bowring).
We are not just trying to modify behavior; we are trying to shepherd hearts.
Children, and parents – and the rest of us – listen closely: Our fallen condition causes us not to obey and honor. Only through Christ can children obey and honor their parents (and, we, obey and honor our Heavenly Father) with a glad and sincere heart.
The Gospel affects our heart.
Kids, when your parents ask you to do something – and you don’t want to – and you pout and grumble; stop, and confess that to the Lord and ask him to change your heart so that you will not only obey, but obey happily.
This is what it means to “Honor your father and mother.”
III. Commandment with a Promise (verses 2b-3)
Is it all worth it – listening, obeying and honoring with our whole heart? Is it worth the enormous time it takes – as parents – to get our kids to honor us? Is it worth the time, money and effort it takes the church to help parents get kids to honor them?
Is it worth the time and effort it takes for each of us – not just to believe in God – but to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength; and our neighbor as ourselves?
Is it worth it? You betcha. This commandment especially, because it is the commandment with a promise. And what’s that promise? Verse 3 – “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
When you are upset ask yourself, “Is it going well with me right now?” And the answer is NO. And then ask yourself, “Why is it not going well with me?” And the answer is, “I’m not listening, obeying and honoring with a glad and sincere heart.”
And so here is the good news – the very good news – no matter what is happening to you it can still be going well with you.
Did you catch that? It’s incredibly wise – clearly I didn’t make it up. No matter what is happening to you, it can still be going well with you.
When you honor your mother and father – when we honor our Heavenly Father – it will go well with us and we will enjoy long life on earth. Even when other people around us may be doing it wrong, we can still do it right, and enjoy the blessings of God.
We live in a society that doesn’t think it is worth it, because society doesn’t value children, family or God. Abortion is proof that people don’t value children – as they are murdered before they are born.
And yes, they are children – living beings – before birth. Psalm 139:13-14 praises the Lord saying, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Abortion is murder. So called “pro-choice” says “I am more important than this child.” God says celebrate children.
Is it hard work to raise a child? You betcha.
They say “Insanity is hereditary: you can get it from your children” (Samuel Levenson).
Is it worth it? You betcha. And this is another one of those places where the church should stand against society by doing it right when the world is it doing it wrong.
We can show our value for children, for family, for God.
A 4-year-old boy named Matthew was dressing himself for preschool one morning, he chose to wear a pair of underpants with a Fruit of the Loom label inside. “Mommy,” he explained, “I want to wear these because they have the fruit of the Spirit in them!”
Unfortunately it isn’t that easy to put on the fruit of the Spirit; but fortunately we can put on the fruit of the Spirit anytime, anywhere – in any circumstance.
The Spirit can change our heart in any moment – and turn us from grumblers to lovers of our parents, our neighbors and our God.
There is no greater blessing than a happy family and no greater distress than family trials. There is nothing more important than valuing family as God values family.
IV. Celebrating Children; Valuing Family (verse 4)
Verse 4 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
We need to encourage and support dads and moms in this great privilege, but impossible task of raising children in the “training and instruction” – the “fear and admonition” of the Lord.
It is impossible to do it alone; but it is possible with help. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). And Christ strengthens us with the help of the church.
With that, let me give you three closing points of application:
(1) Your family isn’t perfect, but God is
This may seem obvious, but it isn’t. We seem surprised when our kids act like – well like kids. Our kids will grumble. We must expect this but not accept this.
We shouldn’t be surprised when our spouse fails to be and do everything perfectly. We all have bad days. Be ready to forgive, and ready to be forgiven.
The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but it isn’t really greener. There are no perfect kids, but there are parents who work hard at perfecting their kids.
Spend time, not money, on your children. No one on their death bed ever says, “I wish I had spent more time at the office.”
Your family isn’t perfect, but God is – take your family to God. Often.
(2) Stop expecting someone else to do the work
Again, this may seem obvious, but it isn’t. I recently read, “The number of mothers staying at home with their infants has increased for the first time in 25 years. The number of sleep-deprived women wandering through the supermarket on weekday mornings, mumbling to themselves, has also increased.”
Parenting is hard work.
It is not the school’s responsibility to educate children – the school is helping parents who have the responsibility. Someone once said, “Heredity is something people believe in if they have a bright child.”
It isn’t the church’s responsibility to give your children their Christian education – we are to help parents fulfill their God-given responsibility to disciple their children. If you are a parent – how are you letting the church help you? If you are a church member – how are you helping the parents of our church family?
The hard part of this is that many of us did not have this modeled very well for us. A wise man said, “The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have” (Ring Lardner). Maybe your parents, and the church, didn’t do this very well for you. Don’t pout about it. Do it better.
One day a dad sat down with his son and explained with great pride that his grandfather was a preacher, his great-great grandfather was a preacher, and his great-great-great grandfather was a preacher. To which his son replied, “Wow! We sure come from a long line of grandfathers.”
(3) Rejoice in the moments of blessing
This may be the most important; because with the hard – often frustrating – work of parenting, we can often feel like it is all for naught. It isn’t – it is always worth it. Remember and rejoice in the moments of blessing. Write it down. Video record it. Recount it.
A mother tells about helping her three-year-old son, Isaac, dry off after a bath. She wrapped him in a towel and put him on her lap for a hug and said, “Isaac, you're getting so big! What are we going to do when you're too big to fit on my lap anymore?” He replied, “Then I'm going to hold you, Mom.”
Write it down.
Life’s Little Instruction Book suggests – Use a favorite picture of a loved one as a bookmark.
Indeed, a dad is a guy who has replaced the money in his wallet with snapshots of his family.
It is worth it. Rejoice in the effort – and God’s blessings from it.
A family in the East was planning a month's vacation to the West Coast. At the last minute the father’s work responsibilities prevented him from going, but Mom insisted that she was capable of driving and that she and the kids would go ahead. Dad got out the maps and planned the route and where the family should stop each night. A few day later, the father completed his extra work responsibilities early. He decided to surprise the family, so he flew to a West Coast city without calling them. Then he took a taxi out into the country on a highway that, according to his travel plan, the family should be driving on later that day. The taxi driver dropped him off on the side of the road. Dad waited there until he saw the family car coming, then stuck out his thumb as a hitchhiker. As Mom and the kids drove past, they did a double take. One of the kids said, “Hey wasn't that Dad?” Mom screeched to a stop, backed up to the hitchhiker and the family had a joyful reunion. Later, when a newspaper reporter asked the man why he would do such a crazy thing, he responded, “After I die, I want my kids to be able to say, ‘Dad sure was fun, wasn't he?’”
May they also say, “Dad and mom sure worked hard for us didn’t they?”
May they also say, “Our church sure was there for us weren’t they?”
MAY THE TRUTH SET YOU FREE – AMEN!